“I understand pain”
“I hate when the folks that I love & care for and who love & care for me suffer. I like to take away their pain & suffering and make it my own just because I understand pain & suffering a lot more than than they do.
“Yet at the end of the day I know that just me doing a lot of wishful thinking and me showing my caring & protective side of myself moreso than anything else, you feel me? So even though she said that she’s doing fine & her cancer us curable. I’m thinking out loud how the death of her husband if it comes to that will effect (sic) her mental mindset. I love her a lot & hate to see her stressed out. Yet I know that she’s a very strong spirited woman so I hope that strength will come in hand for her when she will need it the most."
“From Different Worlds”
I was very glad to hear/read you say that our visit was one of the highlights of your trip. That really made a brotha smile a big chucky cheese smile!! But for real though everyone tend (sic) to feel nervous on they (sic) first trip/visit into Texas Death Row or any prison for that matter. Because as you said yourself you really didn’t know what to expect. And the unknown usually tend (sic) to do that to most individuals. Yet I’m also glad that after everything was said & done that you left here feeling way better than you did when you first walked into this place (smile). You know you are 100% correct when you said because of the power of the written word you & I were able to actually come together and meet one another since we’re both from two different worlds & would’ve never met otherwise. I’ve always heard that words have/hold power. So depending on which way they’re use (sic) they can make us break a person, heal or sicken someone etc. etc. … It just so happen that our worlds ended up having a sobering and uplifting affect on each other that we’ll both remember in a positive way for the rest of our lives.
“I’m not complaining (smile)”
So with that said and out of the way let’s gone & move on to something else. Life around here has relatively been the same ole routine for a brotha. I’m (sic) been busy trying to get back into the reading mode again. Because I’ve got a couple of books that I need to read & actually want to read. It’s just that sometimes you (just speaking in general terms) don’t feel to (sic) inspired to do certain things. And for me, it’s usually reading or working out. Now I know that there’s a lot of folks who’d love to have as much free time on their hands as I do, just under a different set of circumstances. So I’m not complaining by a long shot so please don’t take it that way (smile). It’s just that after spending almost half of my life in this place doing the same thing over & over again, you tend to have to force yourself to do things some days. I mean I actually enjoy reading a lot because it gives my mind a chance to leave this place (even if they are fictional books majority of the time) for a while.
“Why I write the way I do”
I’m glad that you’re willing to continue corresponding with me before our visit in order to get to know each other better. And I appreciate the compliment that you gave me concerning the way that I use words. I think that I have a beautiful way with words because I have a speech problem! Yes I will stutter (smile). So writing allows me to talk and express myself without 1) feeling insecure & pissed off when I can’t and/or is (sic) having a hard time saying what I’m trying to say. 2) When writing a person doesn’t have to try to piece together what I’m trying to say! (smile) But for the record everyday isn’t a bad day though yet when I’m having a hard time saying stuff I just quit talking to everybody in order to calm myself down & start over later on. Buuuut (smile) anyways, I just wanted to say with you why I write the way I do. So with that said, I’m going to move on to something else now.
“Positive Energy”
You know to say that I was surprised to hear from you is a true understatement, for real! Yet I’m even more glad that I was able to play some sort of positive role in your fight against cancer. Because Suleika even though I’m not a bad person nor have I ever consitered (sic) myself to ever be, I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life. So I try to put back as much positive energy as I can back into the world when I interact with others. So to know that I was able to use my current predicament in a positive way is real good to hear. And who knows maybe you & I will be able to build some sort of real & long lasting friendship beween you & I (smile).